Sometimes I feel like Master D and I have a special bond. Everything I have been through, he has been through too.
I had a tumultuous pregnancy, with a number of physical and emotional stressors. For the first 12 weeks I was at risk of miscarriage (most likely) due to low progesterone levels. At about the seven week mark I arrived at the hospital, soaked in blood, sure that this time I had lost my baby.
We waited for a few hours to be seen, enough time to see women with enormous babies arriving, excited and anxious, for their scheduled c-section, and families with “It’s a Boy!” balloons racing up to meet the new arrival.
When it was my turn to have an ultrasound I braced myself for the seemingly inevitable “I’m sorry…” but it never came. Amazingly my little bean was still there with a strong heartbeat. The technician gave us some pictures and I stared at them in wonder on the car ride home.
And so he continued to thrive. And he still does. I watch him in wonder each day, amazed at the things he learns. I can’t believe we made him!
He’s seen me at my worst, my most darkest worst. And he’s seen me at my highest of high. And he still calls me Mummy with pride. He cuddles me when my hair is a mess, and he say’s “pretty” when I put on a jewelery. It’s unconditional, for both of us.
And this is nothing out of the ordinary. The great love between mother and child has always been documented. This is no surprise to anyone.
Except perhaps me. I didn’t realise how much I could truly love someone until I became a mum. I didn’t know until I burst into uncontrollable sobs of joy as soon as I heard his first cry. I didn’t know.
I feel a kind of solidarity with Master D. Between us we managed to sustain the pregnancy, despite the problems. We went into hospital together, we bonded despite the bipolar and the depression and the psychosis. We got each other through it all, despite the circumstances.
And as much as he can get into mischief. As much as sometimes I lose my temper. As much as makes a mess and disrupts my plans. I wouldn’t change it for the world. He has taught me more about life than anyone else could.
But more than that he’s given me inspiration to keep going. Something to live for. Someone to make proud.
So thank you Master D, for choosing me as your Mummy.